Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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