I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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