my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
