True but thats because hes a fetus.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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