Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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