It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
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They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
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Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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