I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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