THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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