My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize