At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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