textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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