Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize