As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
