I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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