happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
