my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
