I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
