Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
