this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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