I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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