Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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