Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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