I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Everclear isn't food dammit
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
