i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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