I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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