So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
