Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
