Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
