oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize