Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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