I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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