Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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