THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
