i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize