what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
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I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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