I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
