ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
