i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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