Can i not drive my cunt home
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
