I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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