After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
