If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
