OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
