One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
