Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
