Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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