it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
