my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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