Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
