And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
