all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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