i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
