so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
