dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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