You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
