cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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