Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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