My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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