I can text with my tongue
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
