i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
