the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
birth control should be required to get into college
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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