I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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